gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
as a side note pls kill me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
