so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
