i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
