I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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