no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
