What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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