Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
