i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
