I'm lost and stupid without you.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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