cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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