This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
and you fell through a lawn chair
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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