Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Shame - the story of my life.
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