did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
