Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
