could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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