I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
