i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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