Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
