took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
