belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
