Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize