All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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