So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
