My underwear smells like fireworks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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