The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
