some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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