my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
