Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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