There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
