first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
