all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
