Me too!
we made out on top of his cat.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
