I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
