Got a toothbrush?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
