It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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