my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize