So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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