im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
