His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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