Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
