I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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