Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
