you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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