I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
