and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
