The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
