I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
