My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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