i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
