Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
