the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
