I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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