Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
