Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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