okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
