She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
