so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
