I bet he comes in French.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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