I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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