he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
