I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
