I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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