Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
