you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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