tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
