I can't breathe out the right side of my face
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I love you. Go after that dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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