I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
no, he came in my armpit
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
