Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
