Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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