i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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