Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
