and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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