hotel room ftw
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
