Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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