it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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