So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
