dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
