i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
